yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
