I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
