he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
