So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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