Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
