Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
