I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
