My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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