just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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