hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
