You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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