i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
