bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
