Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
