so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
operation have a gay friend backfired
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
