When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
