Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
