I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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