My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize