i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize