smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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