i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
