glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
