yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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