Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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