Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
