My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
