WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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