You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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