Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
