I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
only you would photoshop your dick
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize