Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
