New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
only you would photoshop your dick
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
