Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
