Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
