I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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