do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
