i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
