i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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