Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
