As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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