i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Mom said you looked used
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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