I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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