The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
