I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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