We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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