Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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