well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
