I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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