somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
