Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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