you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
