it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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