Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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