I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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