He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
