You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
