When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
