Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
