I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
