i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
