I hate your face
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
