Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
